Captain Obvious Deletes tests that assert what is already guaranteed — by the compiler, by the mock framework, or by the laws of logic. These tests burn CI time, inflate coverage confidence, and can never catch a regression. They are the signature of AI-generated test suites (empirical studies find test smells in 38–100% of LLM-generated tests). For cleanup, two deterministic scripts in do the heavy lifting. Run them, interpret the report, clean up the residue, and verify nothing broke. Do not hand-scan test files or spawn subagents per file — one script invocation scans the whole project. Du…